I Pushed a Girl (And I Liked It)

Setting: Tube. Late Wednesday evening.

Characters: Main Character (MC), main character’s feet (F) & ego (E). Flirting girl (FG) and flirting boy (FB).

Main character victoriously landed in a seat and is now dozing.

Walk in: Flirting Girl and Flirting Boy.

FG: bla bla bla…  hahahaha… chirp, chirp (swaying helplessly as the train speeds up, swaying some more and stepping on the Feet)

Feet: mmmm… (dozingly shuffle aside)

FG: chirp chirp hehehe  (whacks the Feet again)

Feet: rrrr… (grumpily shuffle aside)

FG: cheeeerp, cheeeerp hahaha…(booomphs and steps on the Feet as the train brakes)

Ego: what the hell is wrong with the stupid girl? Can’t she hold on to the rail? And why has she stepped on our feet twice and didn’t say ‘sorry’ even once! But, she did say sorry to the other girl she whacked… what an brainless idiot…!..!! (screeching)

Main Character stands up to get off the train. The Flirting Girl is blocking the exit with her hand outstretched. The train stops. MC purposely shoves the girl aside to make a point. Feet run. Ego rejoices. I observe and marvel at stuff that’s going on inside me, and that I am able to witness it, without becoming it.

Yes, I felt bad afterwards, but this is not the point. The point is honesty and acceptance.

Feel good

The most gratifying and rewarding lunch break of this month: completely oblivious to work obligations, personal to-do list, affirmations and so on, I was learning drawing and painting. I also learned that making mistakes is fine and … fun, to quote my teacher. See, I am afraid of making mistakes, even if I tell myself I learn from them; I am afraid of how it makes me feel. Luckily, today I really felt it was ok to draw an incorrect line; it is fine, no biggie! By correcting a mistake on the canvas I felt empowered, as if my ego stretched a bit and became more resilient to being “not good.” Making a mistake might make me feel incompetent or silly, but it is just for a moment, which will pass. So, yey to mistakes!

Spending this time on drawing and painting, doing what I really love felt exhilarating!  A surge of feel-good vibes is rushing through me, as if I have found a marvellous treasure chest. So, just want to say, people do more of what you love doing – even if it’s expensive, time consuming, silly, not fashionable, not shared by your loved one / your friends, against the little prickly odds that we all come up with to cover up fears and indecision. Just give yourself that gift – do it sooner than later!

Just Let Me Be!

They say it takes forty days to change a habit. To be honest, I’d want a taster of the new habit before committing myself to forty days of drilling it into my psyche. 

So, today is a test drive of “just being.” One of my habits is making myself be or feel something: being happy, feeling grateful, being joyful, feeling sexy, being creative, feeling energetic, being positive, being on time…a merry-go-round of demands on myself. I haven’t got a chance to just be, unless I’m dancing or doing a workshop. 

Seriously, there is nothing to be afraid of, I’m telling myself. If it’s sadness, it’s ok; if it’s fear, it’s ok; if it’s judgement, it’s also ok, as long as I’m there to witness all. So, today being and feeling anything is ok. Today it’s an honest Monday.

Not surprisingly, this is what Osho “The Book of Secrets” told me when I opened it on random this morning:

“Try this: Whatsoever your state of mind, accept it and wait for when the state changes

itself. You are not changing it; you can feel the beauty that comes when states change by

themselves. You can know that it is just like the sun rising in the morning and then

setting in the evening. Then again it will rise and again it will set, and it will go on. You

need not do anything about it. If you can feel your states of mind changing by

themselves, you can remain indifferent, you can remain away, miles away, as if the mind

is going somewhere else. The sun is rising, setting; the depression is coming, the

happiness is coming, going: but you are not in it. It goes and comes by itself; the states

come and move.”

A fairytale

Once upon a time there lived a beautiful princess in a kingdom known for its kind and hospitable people, generous trees and fields, abundant forests. The princess grew up surrounded by love and care, truth and generosity, so she became a fine young woman, interested in the world inside and around her.

By night she stripped her princess identity and assumed that one of a young maid, went to village festivals, pubs, and people’s houses. Nothing surprising there, royals in many a fairytale have done it before. One night, on a whim she decided to visit an affluent mansion that had its doors open for a birthday celebration. The party was in full swing as she was welcomed in, and shown to the food and drink; people were happy chatting to the cheerful young woman. Having feasted and danced a little, she decided to move on, and approached the birthday boy to wish him well in the new 111^th year of his life. The birthday boy gave her a gift (it’s a custom in these lands to give other people a gift on your birthday) – a hat. “Put it on and you will see everything,” he said as they parted, which didn't make much sense to the princess, but she was thankful nevertheless.

That night back in the palace the curious princess put on the hat. It was not particularly pretty to start with, but as it sat on the princess’s head, the hat told her its name and transformed into the most beautiful and exquisite bouquet of lace, flowers and gems. The hat’s name was Unconditional Love, and it stayed with its bearer, shading truth and light inside and out.

So, the princess perceived herself and the life around to be filled with unconditional love, whereby people just are who they are, instead of phantoms of the observer’s ideas and wishes; a world where someone can give endlessly and there is no urgency to even think about receiving back; a world where you could manifest the smallest miracles and even they would matter.

She saw all that and ... lived happily ever after. Her prince charming turned up at her door once morning on a carbon-free vehicle. There were no dragons to slay, because the dragons were wise and friendly. There was no Lord Farquaad, because all men had a healthy self-esteem and were able to love. There were no wars, no famines and no betrayals. Of course, they still went on in other fairytales, but this tale is one of unconditional love.  

Change is good!

Using a creative approach to handle problems on the tube today,  I took another line to then walk to the office (this is as creative as it can get when it comes to the tube).

Such a small change in itinerary transported me into another kind of Monday morning reality. Firstly, I sat in an unusual spot, facing two other passengers. One of them glanced at me from the corner of one sleepy eye and went back to the precious commuter’s doze. The second passenger’s face made me ponder the obvious benefits of men’s moisturiser. There were loads of Eastern Europeans on the train, instead of the usual suit clad, ruthless- and sometimes, hopeless - looking real estate agents that accompany me to the business park. People actually looking at each other and making brief eye contact. A guy in a jogging suit spoke Russian and didn’t use a single swear word. The sun was shining into my face, as I took a different seat. And, because of that I’ve written this first thing on Monday morning to wish you a wonderful wonderful day!