The Way the World Will Be

Just back from a Tantra weekend and can’t help but share my amazement with the people I encountered. If feels like they are the ambassadors for all – those who have yet to discover self-development, and those who are on this winding path already.

Witnessing the amazing human abilities of connecting and bonding, communicating about the most important, shedding layers of social conditioning like onion skin, and revealing the most precious heart made me feel that people are good, fullstop. Or rather, whatever people are – they are, if that makes sense.

Our capacity to be brave in the exploration of the self and open to whatever arises as a result; the inherent ability to be loving, supportive and joyful is surely what will "save the world." I know I might be riding high on the energy and stuff, but all this goodness won’t be kept locked inside people for much longer – the love, the passion, the joyfulness, the gratitude, all the amazing qualities are resurfacing and taking the lead already. And so be it!

Tantra! at the Library

"Did you enjoy it?" the librarian winked at me.
I suspiciously scanned his face for traces of leering; there were none, so I lit up like a match.
"Have a look at it!" I beamed. The librarian started to leaf through a book on Tantra I just returned. "It's about everything: massage, creating a space for you and your loved one with candles and incense, it's about dancing, and feeding each other exotic fruit!" I stopped, wondering if my enthusiasm went too far.
"Yes, so, it's about titillating our senses...about fully enjoying sensuality, about being present. We lack sensuality in our daily lives so much," said the librarian, leaving me speechless for a moment.
"So, you know it all," as I've collected myself from this surprise.

Later he kindly brought me a book on Taoism. How about that for holistic service in a local library?!

It's truly the age of information, the time of being open and learning fast, if things like that happen.

                                          Photo: Atoma, http://de.wikipedia.org/wiki/Datei:Rose_Petals.jpg

Arty Day

Today I had my first (oil) painting and a photograph out in the public eye, on a small student art exhibition. For the very first time. 

Scary to see the painting that took so much pain and effort, standing there on a easel, looking very vulnerable to critique. Not able to face both the painting and the possible critique, I pretended we haven’t been bound by 15 hours of hard work. Had to turn away, as I was so afraid to hear a negative remark about it. That’s the ego speaking partly. But also, I feel that doing something so new, taking first clumsy steps and living up to your own expectations is not always easy. So, keeping dreams in a safe and nurtured place is the way to go!

                                                       Portrait of my mom

The photograph, on the contrary, was easy to share with people as I was confident I’ve done my best there and liked the way it looks. It’s amazing, how a tiny bit of confidence and a pinch of contentment makes a nice cocktail of easy and light self-approval.

                                          A view of sunset from Glastonbury Tor

Anyway, I came home and followed the urge to paint one...two...three free hand paintings, just to feel the flow and the paint rolling under my brush. Awesome feeling. All painters must have been high with it. Will try to go to sleep now :-) 

A Glimpse of Meditation

Being in complete silence for three days seemed daunting to start with...as did sitting cross-legged in a 40-minute long meditation session. Twenty-two such sessions later, which is about 15 hours' worth of sitting, cursing the pain in my back, feeling my knees might crack any second, and constantly trying to watch my breath...I am ready to do it all again.

This half-marathon of meditation is called OSHO Vipassana. Vipassana itself was created by Gotama Buddha about 2500 years ago. And the Indian mystic Osho devised a variation of Vipassana, combined with his active (dancing, jumping, cathartic) meditations that suit the Western man. Also, discourses from Osho are played throughout the retreat, which are tangible and immediate pieces of guidance.

It was excruciating to be watching the mind during these three days. On the first day, alongside with the acute physical discomfort, a flood of junk bombarded my head. Neck, shoulders, wrists, knees, back, fear, ramblings, judgments, ego trips, oh if only-s , oh I wish-s, should-have-would-haves...begging for the bell to ring and the sitting be over. The day of trying to watch every in- and outbreath seemed never ending; it was only the beginning.

The second day was different, kind of. Like the first, but with a frosting of drowsiness (7 am start every morning). According to a few loud snores rolling in the room, the sleepiness was shared by the group. And, there was ravenous hunger...you would have thought sitting and doing nothing is a low energy exercise. When not fighting against sleep, I noticed my thoughts became more gentle in how they flooded the head, they came one at a time, and were on plans, ideas, fantasies, insights; becoming more positive, yet still incessant. I persisted and stayed for an optional sitting, allowing an extra 40 minutes of watchfulness to happen.

The last day was when I got a glimpse of what meditation can be like. Osho spoke about being a watcher, a witness to happiness, a witness to sadness, a witness to hunger, a witness to tiredness. The body ached less and less, I have devised a cunning system to keep the drowsiness at bay, and oh joy...a couple of breaths in a row...no thoughts...just me...no thoughts. Now I was begging for more time with myself, for the bell not to ring and give me another chance.

I'm glad it's over, and I want to do it again. The silence, the discipline, the watchfulness, Osho's guidance, the space that is there when not occupied by thoughts, the ego kicks - would not change a minute of it! Not ready for the 10-day Buddhist traditional Vipassana though, who knows, one day...

New beginnings

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