Frustration Mantra – Works Miracles !

Если вам скучно, нехорошо или просто муторно, пару раз спойте мантру «Йййёёооооб» Если петь будете от души и с чувством – сразу повеселет и полегчает!

11.11.11

Getting married? Nothing? Having a coffee? Typing away on your keyboard? Praying? Making love? What will you be doing on 11.11.11?  

I suppose you don’t have to actively think about doing anything – I’d just look and the combination of 11.11.11 and feel what response it awakens in me. But in case asking yourself a question like that is too wacky in your books,  there are a couple of things that a combination of figure 11 might actually bring about (or so I read) – illumination, compassion, healing, clearing. All and nothing.

In case you’re wondering why this day should be any different from yesterday, again I’d start from another end – do you want this day to be different from yesterday? If you ask yourself, not your mind, but maybe your heart, how do you feel today and listen to the answer… then you will have your own 11.11.11.

With lots of love 

Why should I be wearing a bra?

If you sleep with your bra on, read no more…(if you do read on, no offense please).

My body is wondering… if I’m not jumping about and in need of support, why should I be wearing a bra?

- To hide my breasts from people…or, men, in particular –I don’t want anyone perving at me if I get jiggly or a bit cold

- To feel sexy – in my conditioned mind a piece of lacy fabric that actually restricts me equals sexiness and seduction

- To enhance and create a particular shape – flaunt your assets type of thing

- Because that’s what you do with breasts – tuck them into a bra

So, basically I’m reading shielding, fear, stuck habits, attempts to “improve,” bogus mating & attraction stereotypes. Lovely.

Action plan – no bra whenever I feel like no bra, summer is a good time to start. Jiggle on! 

Twilight Gift

The light of the sun doing down was my inspiration. Beautiful, luminous, many shades of blue, the twilight was gorgeous. I followed my sudden urge not to switch on the electricity. At all. To keep the magic going.

Taking a shower in that fading light was slow and mysterious. Present there and then, enjoying the feeling of water running down my strangely blue-gray body. The tranquil and silent darkness of my room seemed to appease the galloping thoughts, and leaving me in the quiet blue light. I relished drifting into sleep and woke up refreshed, and relaxed, in a fantastic mood (it’s Friday, yeeey!).

It seems like the absence of the artificial harsh light was a good transition to a deeper darkness of sleep. I feel like sometimes the light makes me rush and dart around, while my body and mind are naturally quieting down at the end of the day. So, I might repeat this as a nice winding-down ritual. Would be good for the bills, too.

Sunny Blues

If it were winter I’d call it the winter blues, but at this point there are no fancy names for my state of boredom. A ten-day long lovely holiday, then some work, another long weekend away with useful meditations and practices, some more work. Plunging into the tube, appointments, classes, while I only feel like sleeping and reading the True Blood book. Finishing my first watercolour painting gave me some joy, but today I’m back to disinterested numbness. Nothing matters.

This is all because my life has been getting ahead of me, I think, and my heart is harbouring a dissatisfaction. Any relationship is work, work to keep it fresh, motivating, interesting, nourishing…and, it turns out that my relationship with myself needs some repair work done.  I don’t know where I will take me; away from this sticky gray boredom, which is helpfully signalling me that if I don’t take action things might tumble down to sadness, maybe gloom.

Did some divination yesterday with Esther & Jerry Hicks’ cards. It told me I should focus on the most positive thought that occurs to me now, instead of mulling over how gray and bored I felt. With some effort to set thing in motion I have switched to delighting in the idea that it’s lunchtime soon, and I will again dip into the world of dangerously magnetic vampires, fairies, werewolves and shape shifters. Feeling better already.

I will be happy if … what if I am happy?

A being of here and now, a child is unconditionally happy. Fed, healthy, clean, and clutching a toy – what are the reason to be sad? Any moment is a wonder, play and delight. Little bumps and bruises cause tears, but just for a short while. Forgetting the last fall, and not projecting that it might happen again in the future – this is the true mastery, the mastery of a  child, simply climbing a favourite tree again. Maybe it helps that a child doesn’t need to know what it takes to be happy, it simply is…as we grow older we accumulate a lot of boxes to be ticked en route to happiness.

I feel my true happiness often reveals itself through my body: when I dance or simply roll on the floor in a spontaneous movement, when I run or cycle. When my mind isn’t evaluating whether I’ve got it all, before mercifully allowing some contentment -  then it seeps through and becomes very clear – in here and now, I do not need anything to be happy, because I’ve got it all. It’s only when my mind claws its way into the future, all the conditions precedent are still looming. But in here and now, honestly, who cares about Maslow’s hierarchy of needs? I’m clutching my favourite toy, I’m loved and looked after, and so, I’m happy!

Hare Hare!

"Oh, ok, we've got to bow now!"

"Bow to what? Where?"

I feel awkward, as if I'm wearing a tracksuit from SportsDirect on a red carpet in Cannes. Defensive, wanting to become invisible. Not understanding what's going on and feeling out of place makes me a bit narrow-minded, a refuge for a couple of minutes. 

It's the daily 7pm prayer. I am the absolute minority in London Krishna Temple, as I have not a slightest idea about the ways of this worship. Seriously, it's a bit daunting to not know where to bow and whether it's ok to be looking at people, so in my ignorance I'm just standing next to the door and trying not to stick out too much.